Heartbeat (2)

Can you hear it?
Sshhhh..
Listen
Listen to my heart
Listen to it shatter
Shatter with every beat
With every step I take
The steps I'm taking away from you
I have decided
I have decided to walk away
I have decided to leave
Can I?
Am I strong enough?
Am I able?
I am trying
Just listen to it
Listen to what you've done to it
Shattered
Shatters still
With every breath
With every step
With every beat
It shatters more
(4/6/11)

Worst..

A lot has been lost
Throughout the years..
But this year seems the worst..
I've lost trust..
I lost faith..
In people I have lost trust and faith.
I have seen..
In time..
We do not change..
We show the darkness..
The monster that is within us..
Easily it can escape..
And hurt those around you..
Whether beloved or not..
We hurt everyone around us..
And thus..
I do not trust..
I vent I do not trust.
I have been hurt one too many a time..
Hurt by that monster within ..
Breaking those promises..
Abandoning me at times of need..
Pushing me farther into my own darkness.
I have lost faith in people's words..
For those words..
Are as empty as I have become..
Promises are meant to be kept,
But..
Are made to be broken.
I have to look after myself now..
Be more independent..
No more trusting peoples words...
Nothing..
I feel nothing towards people..
Yes I love..
But I'm so ready to lose anyone..
I won't be sad..
I'll move on easily..
I'm numb now...
Thanx everyone...
For not being there when u said u would be...
For giving me a reason not to trust u..
For showing me I need to count on myself..
Thank you...
For making me numb...
Really,
Thank you
(6/5/11)

Heartbeat

Listen closely..
Hear that?
Hear it shatter with every beat?
Shatter with every word you speak
I can't anymore ..
I can't handle being with you..
You’re killin me ...
Seein you..
Seein you with another person ..
After I gave you everything
Everything I ever could ..
I made sure..
I thought you were happy ..
I thought you loved me ..
Guess I was wrong.
Listen closely now.
Hear it shatter?
Please..
Listen to it shatter,
With every beat,
With every word,
With every step I take,
Listen to it shatter.
Maybe then..
Just maybe then you'll realize..
How much pain you put me through..
How much pain your putting me through.
You don't understand,
You don't see,
You never do.
You’re just so blinded
Thinking about what's best for you.
Can't you for once..
Just for once open your eyes?
Look around,
Look around at the people who love you..
The people that truly care
And think about them
Just once.
Listen..
Then maybe..
You'll hear it
Maybe..
You'll listen to it ..
Shattering
And maybe just maybe
You'll try
At least try..
And fix it.
(10/3/11)

Empty Words

You say you love me
You say you care
But when I need you
You’re never really there..
I don't blame you
I guess I understand..
You have your own problems, your own shit to deal with
You don't need mine too..
But I guess I just thought..
I guess I just believed what you say
Each and every time we speak..
You say to me..
"I'll be by your side. Tell me when you need me I'll be there"
And each and every time I believe.
Cuz you have been there...
Sometimes..
Problem is your only there when it suits you
I realize you’re going through shit
I'm here for you whenever
I just need the same
You don't know how hard it is..
To be here alone..
To go through all this without you..
I need your help..
Please ..
I need you..
Fill those empty words.
(1/4/11)

Given Up

I've realized..
That's it..
I lost you..
I fought...
I tried...
Now..I'm tired..
I'm sorry..
I'm tired,
I can't fight for us anymore..
I can't.
I'm tired of being the one who is..
The only one who is..
I'm tired of being the one who is fighting for us..
I can't...
I have no fight left in me..
I'm done...
I'm sorry but I'm done...
I'm done.
(22/3/11)

That One Text

You saved my life.
I was ready to do it.
I had it all planned out.
Then...
I hear my phone.
One last glance before I die
"I need you
It’s like you knew..
You saved me with that text
With those simple words
I cried
I stopped
I didn't want to
I couldn't
I was needed here
I'm here for a reason
I need to push through this
For you
For you I need to be strong
For you
Thank you
I love you
(2/3/11)

Living Without You

I can live without you,
Of course I can live without you.
I just don't want to..
Why?
Because;
I love you
You're a part of my life
A huge part
Apart of me
I'll feel empty
I'll feel like a part of me is missing
Mostly because..
I just don't want to ..
Baby,
Don't make me live without you
I love you
(28/5/11)

Needed..

I don't need to be wanted,
I want to be needed
I need to be needed
I live to be needed
If I knew I was just wanted not needed
I wouldn't be here today..
I would never have stayed..
I would never have stopped..
But I know now..
I know I am needed.
So,
I have stopped
I have stopped and
I will never start again.
I'm sorry you found out the way you did
I'm sorry I did it
I'm sorry I recently did it again
I'm sorry I let you down..
Let you down yet again ..
I'm sorry I showed you how weak I could be..
But no more.
I'm strong now
For you I am strong
For you I won't anymore
For you
No more sorrys,
No more need for forgiveness
I love you
(28/2/11)

Forgive Me

I'm sorry..
Soo sorry..
I wasn't thinking..
I didn't realize..
Just trying to take the pain away..
Trying to feel something different..
Trying to feel something..
I didn't realize..
I'm sorry I didn't realize
I was hurting you..
I'm sorry
Please..
Please..
Forgive me..
Can you?
I hope you're able to..
Forgive me please..
I can't do this without you..
I need you..
I'm sorry
Soo sorry
I love you
Forgive me?
(20/2/11)

Break Free

I'm tired.
Tired of crying,
Tired of trying,
Tired of doing everything right,
Pleasing everyone.
Not pushing the limits..
Staying 'clean',
Being 'good',
I wanna change..
Wanna do things my way..
Just live my life.
Be free.
I'm tired of the life I'm forced to live..
Wanna break free..
Do what I desire..
Be who I wanna be..
With whom I want to be with..
I wanna break free and let loose
(18/3/11)

Me

I have gotten hurt
Felt the pain of a broken heart
From a lover
From friends
From family
People I thought I might never lose
People I thought would always be there for me
Always by my side
Through thick and thin
But I was proven wrong
Wrong to believe that people will stay forever
By my side
Be with me my whole life
I got hurt over and over again
Because I always have the same thoughts
"I can trust this person they won't leave"
Over and over again I'm proven wrong
Over and over again I am hurt
My heart shatters
My soul breaks.
But ...
Even with all this pain
Heartache
Depression
Loss
I am happy
I am happy that I hadn't
That I haven’t
Lost the ability to trust
The ability to open my heart
Whether it be to a friend or lover
I can trust them over and over again
Because.. In the end
It has made me into the person I am today
A strong person
A person I am proud of
I am happy to be
It has made me..
Me
(19/2/11)

You Left

You made me fall for you,
I did
I fell.
Hard.
I trusted you,
I gave you everything I could,
I gave you my all;
My heart,
My soul,
My love,
Everything..
I loved you..
I loved you...
I really did.
And I thought..
I thought you loved me too
But you left.
You left me..
I don't know why.
You left me
With a shattered heart,
A broken soul,
And feelings that seem to never fade.
I loved you..
I love you.
I always will
But you don't
You've left
You’re gone.
Without even a goodbye.
You left.
(16/2/11)

Changed

You don't really care..
You care when you need something,
Only when you need something,
Fuck it.
I'm tired.
I'm getting sick.
Literally getting sick, cause of you.
From all of you.
The rumors.
The talk.
Your actions.
Everything
You’re losing me..
You've lost me.
All of ..
You've won.
You’re changing me..
Congrats.
I'm changed.
Happy?
(3/3/11)

Irreversible

I'm so tired.
Feel so sick.
Just so sick and tired.
Of everything
All of this
I thought I had you..
You said always;
I'll always be there for you..
Whenever you need me, I'm here
Well I need you.
Where are you?
Where are you when I'm on the edge..
On the verge of doing something ..
Something stupid,
Very stupid..
Irreversible...
Where are you?
Where the hell are you?!

(3/3/11)

Who Is She?

My eyes hurt..
They burn.
From crying
Not crying..
From seeing what you’re doing..
What you’re doing to me..
From seeing..
What I'm becoming because of you..
I can't look..
I can't look at myself anymore..
I break the mirrors.
Make them crack.
So I can't see my reflection..
I don't wanna...
Cuz the person in there..
That person..
The person I see staring back..
That person can't be me..
It just can't be..
I don't recognize this person..
So different..
Depressed, happy, depressed, happy..
Doesn’t know what she feels,
Doesn’t know who she loves,
Doesn’t have controls over her feelings,
Over her heart..
Doesn’t really own her heart..
Who is she ..
Who has she become ..
Who have I become..
Who am I becoming...?
(3/3/11)

Pieces Of My Heart

I feel like..
I don't own any piece of my heart..
Not anymore anyway...
Each piece has been given out,
Given away..
To everyone ..
To anyone I have ever loved..
And each person has broken that piece..
Or.. At least..
Chipped it a bit by now....
But I can't help but keep that piece with them...
Cuz that shard..
That broken piece of my heart, is now theirs..
And it always will be..
But now..
More people will come...
I'm afraid...
I'm afraid I don’t have any more shards to give..
I need more...
I need to chip smaller..
Give less..?
I need much smaller shards...
(3/3/11)

In the Midst

Neither here nor there,
Heaven nor hell,
Alive nor dead,
Just in the middle.
The middle of everything,
The middle of everyone,
Seen by some,
Ignored by many,
Invisible yet..yet visible...at times..
Just drifting really..
Drifting through life..
Drifting in and outta people's lives ..
Making a difference..?
Just coming and going,
Not really being seen,
Nobody really notices,
Sometimes they seem to..
Sometimes they seem to care..
Most of the time..
Well most of the time..
It’s like I'm not even there.
(1/3/11)

Comeback

Just as the light begin to dim around me
You left..
Now..
In the darkness
I lay alone..
Nursing my wounds..
My shattered heart the worst of them…
How do I put it back together..?
What do I do now?
Alone in the dark..
Calling out to you…
To please..please come back..
Come back to me..
Pleading ..
Save me..
Whispering..
I love you..
I love you..
Comeback…

(28/7/11)

Awkward

It's just..
Awkward.
I don’t know how to explain it..
That word explains it all
Awkward…
Sitting here..
Feeling so outta place..
I don’t belong here.
I don’t belong here and I didn’t belong there..
I feel outta place everywhere..
I just don’t belong..
Why is it so awkward?
Why is it so weird..
I just gotta find a place..
Where I can just be myself..
Be myself and not be judged for it..
Where it’s not awkward..
Where awkward doesn’t exist..
Where I just…
Fit.

(1/8/11)

I Wanna

I wanna touch the sky
I wanna fly
I wanna reach the stars
I wanna show people what I can do
Show them who I can be
I wanna do it on my own
Prove to myself and them
That I can be someone
Not because of who I am
Where I'm from
Who my family is
Or anythn
But because I have it in me
I can do it
I can do it by myself
I can be someone on my own
I will be someone
One day..
Just wait and see
(17/2/11)

I’m Not Done

I'll get pissed
I'll say I'm done with you
Done with trying to help
Done with being there for you
When you’re not there for me
Done with listening to you
Just plain done.
I might not see you for a while..
I might not talk to you for a while..
And I might just forget about you for a little while..
But then...
Suddenly...
Out of nowhere..
You text me
That simple text..
Those three words...
"I miss you"
I see those words
They hit me hard
My heart melts
All the feelings rush back
I can't really imagine being without you
I love you
I can't help it
I can't do anythn but text you back
"I miss you too"
(17/2/11)

I'm Done

I'm not bragging or nuthn
I'm telling you how it is
I've been there for you
I've done so much for you;
I've listened,
Solved you’re problems,
Given you advice,
Been there when you cried,
Helped you with work,
Everything I could,
I did.
But now..
I'm tired..
I'm sick..
I'm sick and tired.
Sick and tired of being there for you
When you’re not even listening to me
I realize..
I've noticed ..
For a long time now..
But kept quiet..
I kept quiet..
I know..
You just use me
Whenever you need me I'm there
But no more.
I'm done.
Done with you.
Done with everythn about you
I don't wanna see you
Don't wanna hear your voice
Don't wanna hear your name
I'm done.
(16/2/11)

This Is Goodbye

I’ve got no tears left to cry
My eyes are dry
Leave me lying here on the ground, waiting for you
Just trample over me, like you always do
You don’t really care
You never really did
Only when it suits you do you come around
Only when you need me
I’m not gonna stand for it no more
Ima walk out that door
You aint gonna hear from me after today
Say your goodbyes; you’ll truly regret this someday
You’re gonna look back and wonder why
You didn’t treasure me and my
Love and everything that I gave
You had your chance to click on save
But you chose to use me
Always there to make you feel better ..
But don’t assume
That I will be there again, I’m done
I’m over it, over you, I’m so gone
So this is goodbye,
Yes its farewell
As I open my eyes, I’m no longer under your spell.
(9/8/11)