Hate Me

You loved me so much..
I loved...Love you too...
So much that it scares me
It scares me so I can't be with you
I make up so many different excuses..
I did things to screw with it so we wouldn't or couldn't get together
I'm scared of loving you this much ending up with you then having my heart shatter all over again
Maybe not because of you..
But because of me..
Who I am..
Where I'm from.
I know this isn't going to work out..
It can't
We won't end up together..
It hurts so much not to be with you
I know I'm hurting you n I can see it
I can see it in your eyes..
The love burning...
Turning..?
You can't look at me anymore...
You can't speak to me anymore..
Without feeling pain...
You want me to go..
'For now'...
Those 2 words brought a lump to my throat..
Made my eyes well with tears...
Some dripped from my eyes
This lump...
It just grows and grows..
I hate myself for hurting you this bad..
I hate myself for letting you love me...
I hate myself I truly do.
N I want you to hate
I want you to hate me so then you can move on...
Hate me...
Please.. please hate me.
(9/4/11)